This weekend I was at a conference and the speaker made an off-handed comment about how poverty and domestic violence were tied together, one to another. It made me angry. It made me angry that here once again was someone denying my story. It made me angry someone would keep perpetuating the myth that domestic violence happens only in poverty and can be solved or alleviated if we get rid of poverty.
This is more complicated than this. Domestic violence happens across ALL classes; whether rich, poor, middle it doesn't know a boundary. It is caused by a need for the perpetrator to have ultimate power and control. These controllers are master manipulators. They appear like wonderful people. I don't know how many times I've heard this when a man kills all the family in the house. The neighbors said he was a nice, polite, giving man. Yes, that is indicator number one. And the difference of whether or not you live in poverty has no bearing on it.
It's nice when we can wrap something up into safe categories. If you live in poverty than ... It is never that easy. It always belittles the issue. If we don't know what we are talking about we should be able to state that. If we are looking at alleviating poverty bravo, but don't then make broad statements about what people would be saved from by it disappearing. Well fed, yes; good housing, yes; better opportunities, yes; defeat domestic violence, no; get rid of abuse, no. These things are more complex and maybe just maybe you should study them before you make a generalization.
The most irritating thing for me is that these myths only reinforce people not believing our stories when we try to escape the abusive situation. You must have a problem with ... not abuse because you never called the cops before, or you live in the middle class, or you are rich. No, the problem still exists there. It was real and it did happen to me and many other women I have had the privilege of knowing. So don't, don't try and simplify our stories. Our stories are real and they happen all over America.
Belief is one of the hardest things we have to prove. We have hidden our scars, the marks on our bodies. They have made sure not to hit us in the places where they will show and we are told to keep our mouths shut. So when they open believe us. Believe we are abused and it is not a side affect of poverty. Many of us end up there: poverty because he controls the finances, poverty because he makes sure to pay the least amount of child support, poverty of friends because he has told all of ours not to believe us. Then we go back. Go back because we're not believed. Go back because we don't have resources. Go back because we were left friendless. So stop perpetuating the myths. They only hurt the community when you do.
This is more complicated than this. Domestic violence happens across ALL classes; whether rich, poor, middle it doesn't know a boundary. It is caused by a need for the perpetrator to have ultimate power and control. These controllers are master manipulators. They appear like wonderful people. I don't know how many times I've heard this when a man kills all the family in the house. The neighbors said he was a nice, polite, giving man. Yes, that is indicator number one. And the difference of whether or not you live in poverty has no bearing on it.
It's nice when we can wrap something up into safe categories. If you live in poverty than ... It is never that easy. It always belittles the issue. If we don't know what we are talking about we should be able to state that. If we are looking at alleviating poverty bravo, but don't then make broad statements about what people would be saved from by it disappearing. Well fed, yes; good housing, yes; better opportunities, yes; defeat domestic violence, no; get rid of abuse, no. These things are more complex and maybe just maybe you should study them before you make a generalization.
The most irritating thing for me is that these myths only reinforce people not believing our stories when we try to escape the abusive situation. You must have a problem with ... not abuse because you never called the cops before, or you live in the middle class, or you are rich. No, the problem still exists there. It was real and it did happen to me and many other women I have had the privilege of knowing. So don't, don't try and simplify our stories. Our stories are real and they happen all over America.
Belief is one of the hardest things we have to prove. We have hidden our scars, the marks on our bodies. They have made sure not to hit us in the places where they will show and we are told to keep our mouths shut. So when they open believe us. Believe we are abused and it is not a side affect of poverty. Many of us end up there: poverty because he controls the finances, poverty because he makes sure to pay the least amount of child support, poverty of friends because he has told all of ours not to believe us. Then we go back. Go back because we're not believed. Go back because we don't have resources. Go back because we were left friendless. So stop perpetuating the myths. They only hurt the community when you do.
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