Spirit

How I explain the Spirits rush within.  It is so wonderful to experience it and to be caught up with others in worship together.  I used to go into the night sky alone when I was in my abusive situation.  When I came out from that the night is where I find peace and rest.

Last night Barbara Brown Taylor spoke of wandering in the dark and I felt the stirrings inside of knowing something that is familiar to me.  She compared to our knowing or walking with God.  We walk in darkness when we claim we really don't know God like we thought we did.  It was a beautiful analogy. 

The place I found freedom first was in the night sky.  I could pray and stumble and ask for anything imaginable.  It was where my heart roamed truly free from entering the house or entering the unknown of what demand would be made on me next.  I was truly safe there for as long as I stayed.  God seemed to grow closer and sometimes more far away.  I wanted God to make me safe, for Him to do the hard work, yet in the sky I found I had to do it on my own.  All of my prayers made there unanswered.

When I struggle I still return to that sky.  To ask the harder questions, to let my doubts ring out, to cry my tears and to focus love and prayers for others.  The night sky is my haven of rest.

 
Moon sits so pregnant and full in the sky
so close and yet so far
a promise to come of what is ripe
before my eyes, then a touch
linking me to sky and land
asking for a touch of the heart
where lives this wonder of my soul, my heart
healing power flows all through
drumming life into my heart
coursing to my tears of memory
touching soft, and dust, and shine
of life and heart, caught inside
a shimmer of what is to be
caught in the dream of night
awakening with the sun
light of so much life in night